Personal Post: On Making Peace with Imperfection

So here I am, back again, after a season-long technological hiatus.  These past 14 months have been a rollercoaster, reaching the apex just over 2 months ago, and now finally leveling out to near-normalcy again.

As a nutritionist I'm trained to piece together the symptomatology, the clues presented in my clients' cases, and chart the best course for them to take on their path to taking back control of their own health.  So it was frustrating when, in summer 2013, I had no idea what was happening to me.

I found myself suddenly faced with month-long periods.  I would bleed for a month; strangely, not enough to warrant the use of much more than 2 or 3 pantyliners per day most of the time, so for that at least I was thankful; but unfortunately, still with cramping bad enough that I resorted to ibuprofen more often than not.  The bleeding would then stop for a month (though on a couple of occasions, there were only 2 weeks' interim), and resume again for another month in the same way.

With this level of discomfort, I was miserable.  I began comfort eating whatever I was craving, telling myself I deserved it with the day I was having.  I had stopped going to the gym by November, consequently started gaining weight, pulled away from intimacy with my husband, and quite honestly, I believe I was depressed, amplified too by a couple of family tragedies in the last quarter of 2013.  I also felt ashamed that I, a person who should be exemplary in health and vitality, was sick and sinking into bad habits.

I finally had an appointment in December with my GP, who ordered blood work and an ultrasound.  My iron stores, not surprisingly, were low, so I took her advice and started an iron supplement.  The ultrasound revealed a "complex mass" of some kind on my right ovary, and by February a follow-up ultrasound confirmed that it might be a dermoid cyst, approximately 54mm in length.  I would be referred to a reproductive surgeon for a cystectomy.

One of many juices I made. Booster
Juice-inspired "Ginger Hammer":
2 large carrots, 2 navel oranges,
1 tart apple, and 1/2" piece
fresh ginger.

From what I knew, dermoids are something that can exist symptom-free in the body for one's whole life, and do not respond well to alternative therapies.  Again, that notion of the exemplary nutritionist reared in my mind.  I did what I could with what I knew while I waited for my referral; more to make myself feel like I was still in control, that I could still help myself.  I bought a juicer and started making fresh green juices most mornings; in addition to iron, I also took DIM supplements to help my liver process excess hormones, B complex for stress and metabolism, and curcumin to reduce inflammation; and as my cycles started to normalize again, gradually started a gentle workout routine again.

Over the course of the 4 months I waited to get into the OR, I made my peace with not having perfect control of the inner workings of my body.  That said, the stress of waiting still took its toll, and I continued to comfort-eat, more so in the weeks leading up to the operation.

Stress-eating aside, I felt I was finally on the upswing when it came time for my surgery in mid-July.  Knowing that possible risks of letting it alone could include torsion and atrophy of the ovary, and a resulting reduction or loss of fertility, I let go of being in control of the process, and made my peace that having the surgery was in my best interests right now.  

A few words about the surgery day itself: Having never been put under anaesthesia before, I was extremely anxious, and it was the scariest day I can remember - especially the last 20 minutes prior to entering the OR: waiting on the gurney, being told to get off the gurney and walk into the OR and lie down on the operating table under my own power (when all I wanted to do was turn and run), having electrodes placed on my skin and an IV hooked into my hand.  And after all that, I don't even remember the moment I closed my eyes; just waking up sometime afterward, and fading in and out of sleep for several hours afterward.

The recovery period was where I felt I could take control of my health again.  The relief of having this "mass" removed from my body was palpable.  The stress of waiting, waiting, waiting - lifted.  I would learn happily that the surgeon was able to remove the whole cyst and keep my ovary intact; and later on that biopsy revealed no malignancy.  I chose nutrient-dense soft foods for the first few days after the surgery: organic applesauce, smooth blended soups, homemade protein smoothies.  Once I was in the clear to do so, I resumed my regular supplements and added a few especially healing products to the lineup (a protein powder rich in l-glutamine, an amino acid important for tissue repair; a post-workout recovery shake loaded with anti-inflammatory ingredients; greens powder and omega-3; and a nourishing topical skin oil for the scars, to name a few).  

I gradually reintroduced myself to exercise, first with a light yoga DVD in the comfort of my basement a couple of times a week, and then returning to beach volleyball with my friends.  (The most uncomfortable part of this was not the incisions themselves, but the spray-on suture covering them.  As it eroded, it would irritate the surrounding skin, making it unpleasant to twist or bend too far.)  I also took the time off to step back from some of my obligations as a business owner and let myself readjust to my situation.

I still have a ways to go before I can say I'm back to where I was before it all happened.  I still have some extra weight to shift, some bad habits to break (comfort-eating admittedly top of the list), and motivation issues to overcome.  

I ran my first LPFL Green Smoothie Challenge
during my pre-op "waiting period".
The Challenge is back again for October!

To look at the positive, I'm getting back into a regular workout routine, my cycles are normalizing again, I'm reestablishing closeness with my husband, and rediscovering my interest in all things nutrition, which includes doing product research, running workshops, and bringing my Love Plants for Life offerings back in force for the fall and winter.  

It's my hope that sharing my experience, knowing that I'm not perfect and striving for a return to health myself, will inspire you to join me on the way.

Let's do this!

Check out my website's News tab for a calendar of events for this fall, including release dates for my Love Plants for Life offerings!

The information in this article reflects my personal experience and approach to my own health, and is not meant to replace the advice of your health care practitioner.  Talk to your doctor, naturopath, or registered nutritionist about your health status prior to adding any supplements to your routine to determine what's right for you.

Working Through ADHD & Anxiety with Nutrition

Welcome!  This post kicks off my Love Plants for Life Nutrition Blog, and I'm so happy to finally share this with you.  We're jumping right in with a topic that hits home for me: ADHD and anxiety.

My experience with ADHD and anxiety began in university when I was studying for my Bachelor of Music degree in piano.  I’d started noticing that I had trouble focusing in my classes, was quite restless, and frequently had trouble with working on assignments to the point where I would frantically try to pull them together the night before they were due; and that going onstage for graded recitals petrified me to the point that it really affected the quality of my performances.   These last items, since if they continued to affect my grades it could result in me getting kicked out of my program, prompted me to see my campus psychiatrist, following the suggestion of a close friend who had a longstanding diagnosis of ADHD.

I’ve always been considered an introvert – “quiet”, “shy”, and “withdrawn” are all words commonly used to describe me.  My acute anxiety (stage fright) symptoms include, but are not limited to: muscle tremors (my hands would shake so much that it affected my playing), gastrointestinal disturbances (indigestion, nausea, needing to go to the bathroom often), chills and cold extremities, heart palpitations… all of these usually starting first thing in the morning on the day of a performance, regardless of when it was scheduled during the day. 

Now, when the psychiatrist diagnosed (along with ADHD) social anxiety disorder, I was given a medication – a beta-blocker, usually for high blood pressure – to take half an hour before my performance.  And it did help, but rather than feel the weight of importance on a given performance, I felt pretty much the opposite – detached, that I was phoning it in, that the quality of this performance was inconsequential.  In a way, I almost preferred the anxiety, because at least it connected me physically to the performance.  That said, I’ve since found ways to better cope with anxiety. 

It took several years, until I started studying nutrition, to learn that following an Ayurvedic approach helps with both ADHD and anxiety.  In a nutshell, Ayurveda considers body and mind constitutions in terms of doshas.  The doshas represent Air (Vata), Fire (Pitta), and Earth (Kapha).  ADHD and anxiety are both considered Vata disorders.  It’s a state of being unsettled or chaotic, full of movement – like air currents.  A way to counter this is by eating foods that are considered Kapha – grounding.  This includes roots, fats, oils, proteins, warm and warming foods and spices.  It happens that building a diet around these foods at each meal and snack provides macronutrient balance, with complex carbohydrates, lean proteins, and healthy fats, and eating this way can help keep blood sugars stable.  Blood sugar imbalance can exacerbate anxiety symptoms, contribute to excess energy or restlessness, and disrupt concentration.  Keeping cold, dry, brittle, and raw foods to a minimum, as well as stimulants like caffeine, is also helpful.  Herbal teas such as chamomile, lavender, and rooibos can be calming as well.

On top of that, using adaptogenic herbs and foods can be very helpful for keeping the stress response and physical symptoms of anxiety down.  An adaptogen helps the body adapt to stress.  Herbs like rhodiola, ashwagandha, and maca; calming herbs like lavender and chamomile; carminative herbs like ginger, for reducing nausea and GI upset; vitamins C and B5 and magnesium can also be helpful to calm anxiety.  A formula I like is AOR Ortho-Adapt Vegan, which is a combination of some of these herbs and nutrients, as well as licorice and ginseng.  There’s also a non-vegan version that contains the addition of porcine adrenal tissue and cortex.  As with any herbal supplement, I strongly caution you to read the labels for contraindications and if you’re not sure, consult with your nutritionist, naturopath, or herbalist before taking them.  Discuss duration of usage as well, since many of these supplements are not meant to be taken long-term.

Homeopathic remedies like gelsemium may be helpful as well, and are usually not contraindicated with medications.  Bach flower remedies may also be useful.

Deep breathing, including an alternate nostril exercise helps, too.  To do this, block the right nostril with your thumb and inhale through the left nostril.  Close the left nostril with your ring finger and exhale through the right.  Repeat, breathing in through the right and exhaling through the left.  Repeat the series a few times to help calm your nervous system.  Additional breathing through the left nostril only can help further calm you down.  Combining breathing exercises with a gentle exercise routine, like yoga or tai-chi, can also be helpful to bringing the stress response under control.

Additionally, something I learned as I was preparing for my final oral exam in nutrition school, reciting positive affirmations or phrases to myself consistently and often, especially in the time leading up to the event, helps to keep hold of a calm state of mind.  I was able to literally talk myself out of being anxious.  Telling myself over and over again that I am calm, confident, that I know this, really helped, and I definitely encourage this practice of mental preparation.  A book I read at the time, and that I found helpful, is Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization.  Using these techniques regularly can also help you uncover and release the root cause of your anxiety.  

Following this approach to balancing my ADHD and anxiety symptoms has really helped me become more focused and confident in my everyday life, as well as helping me get up in front of people to produce nutrition workshops, so that I can do what I love to do – teach people about the value of taking control of their health.

The Love Plants for Life Nutrition Workshop Series is running Monday evenings in July and Thursday evenings in August.

Please be advised that this article is not meant to replace the advice of your doctor or therapist.  Always consult with your medical and/or alternative healthcare professional prior to starting a new supplement to avoid contraindications with your condition or medications.